new here. is DB even worth it?

[Upwards]

Lots of mindreading Claire, try to stick with what you know otherwise your just giving yourself more stuff to get anxious & stressed about. Just because he's giving the impression that he's getting on with is life & doesnt care, doesnt mean thats the case.

I haven't moved forward on making plans for things like Memorial Day, 4th of July, summer vacation... H would always plan those things.

A massive 180 would be YOU planning your own things then! It doesnt have to cost lots, there is loads that can be done cheaply or free that i'm sure you & your D would enjoy.

So am I just delusional? Maybe we aren't right for each other after all. Why am I holding on to this marriage? How do you answer that question? Is it that you have such deep love for the person who has told you they don't love you anymore? Or because you value your marriage vows so much?

Codependancy can make you feel this way as you are so dependant on that person that you feel like you cant be happy or live your life without them, this is then mistaken for love (i'm not saying this is the case for you, just an example!). Its always a good idea to deal with any codependancy issues early on to uncover what real feelings are underneath. Its like an addiction to a person, you need to be in recovery before you can make rational decisions.

Also fear plays a big part in how the LBS feels. You need to strip back what your feelings and try to get to the root of whats causing it, thats the only way of knowing whats really going on for you.

Sometimes I don't have a good answer for why I am not just letting go and giving up. What is yours?

Letting go & giving up are 2 different things. If you want to try and save your marriage you need to let go but not give up hope.

You arent letting go because your not ready to or your scared that letting go is accepting thats its over, there is no shame in that as its not an easy process. People can tell you to as much as they like but there is only you that can make that decision, for me I hit rock bottom & realised that I didnt want our relationship as it was as we were both unhappy & I didnt want my H right now because he needs to work through his issues so I needed to let go, it was a process not something that happens overnight.