I am unbelievably proud of you. You are in a situation that you do not like and you are making an effort to change it.
You are right about your H. Somewhere along the line for whatever reason, he did not learn proper people or coping skills. I actually see quite a bit of my father in your H. We love them. But sometimes we don't like them very much. And sometimes we run out of slack to cut them for their abuses.
I am glad you went to counselling. If nothing else the therapist validated that you were not as nuts as you feel. That your H's fantasy of keeping his comfortable world intact - OW and all - is as delusional as it sounds.
Do something different. See what happens.
And keep going to counselling even if your H does not want to attend.
