She moved home but still in love with OM!

[Missmygirl]

Oxford,

I've been reading up on what you're dealing with. You have certainly been having a rough time of it. Your wife really has done a number on you! However, you are helping her do it. The only person who can stop this merry go round is YOU.

I think many of us have felt like you have been feeling. You feel absolutely out of control. All of this stuff is happening to you. She hurts you. The OM hurts you. This stuff that comes out of her mouth is just astounding! You just can't believe all of this is happening.

You try to put all the blame on yourself. It's your poor behavior as a husband that has caused all this. If only you had been better. You do nothing, but beg and plead and search and question. I've read your posts and over and over the advice is given to you to concentrate on yourself and you continue to focus on her.

You won't see anything happen until you finally get the balls to come to a decision and then act on it. You then need to follow through on your decision. YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING TO WALK AWAY FROM HER. If you're not ready and willing to do this, you will never be in control of yourself. She will have you on puppet strings and she will never respect you. No woman wants to be with a man she doesn't respect. She will despise you instead.

I'm not saying you need to dump your wife. What I am saying is that you need to figure out how to function without her. You need to set a course for yourself. If you see some areas in yourself that she made valid complaints about, then correct those faults. But don't do it while you're watching her to see if the change has produced the desired effect on her. If that's what you are doing, then you're missing the point. Make the change for the NEXT girl who will come into your life. Make the change because YOU see the need for the change.

I personally think that you also need to make it very clear to her that she can choose either you or her bf, but she doesn't get both. You don't need to be mean about it, but she needs to hear it. Then you follow through by living your life without her. Get a life. Fill it with activities you really enjoy. With people whom you love and who love you. Do stuff that requires 100% concentration, so there's no room for those movies that you've played in your head.

When she invites you to do things with her, accept sometimes, but decline the rest. Let her see that she just might lose you. Not because you're trying to play her or manipulate her, but because she really might lose you. You can love her, but you can't NEED her!!

Trust what you're being told here. Start rebuilding yourself and your life without her. Let her see she is welcome to be a part of your new life. Let her also see you are content to give her to her OM and walk away.

As a note, when I finally decided to stand up for myself and stop letting my wife treat me like crap, things started getting better. I told her that if she continued to make room in her life for her OM, then there wouldn't be room in my life for her as my wife. She got very angry with me. She accused me of trying to control her, being unfair, always getting my way, etc. I stood my ground. It was a boundary I set because I truly couldn't live with that in my life. I am convinced that the only reason she stopped what she was doing was because she saw I was going to turn and walk.

Get your focus off your wife. Set your sights on something more reliable. Set them on the course you set for yourself. Work on you. Address her complaints. Hope for reconciliation, but be ready and willing to walk away.