The bottom line is that you are right, GM. I AM mad that she didn't pick me. It really does boil down to something that juvenile...something that "5th grade". And you're right - there is part of me that wants her to have to feel the pain of that decision. I guess that is wishing for punishment. I am still hurting to the point where I don't want to have a co-parenting relationship with her. I feel like saying you do your thing and I'll do mine -- good luck.
Even given all of that, I seem to be bound by my conscience. I know the pain of missing him....especially on holidays. How many times have I had to to it myself so far?I replied to her text by basically saying it was a great day for him from beginning to end and that I relate to missing him on holidays. I wished her well and sent a video of S discovering his Easter basket this morning.
Then I cried.
Yep. Not ashamed to admit it. I cried because it is hard to do the right thing for someone that is hurting you when you know you don't HAVE to do a thing for them. I cried because in my mind she read that text and watched that video snuggled up in the arms of OM -- and it made her day even better. I cried because I feel as though I take blow after blow after blow and keep getting back up and trying to take the high road with someone that does not care about me or my feelings. I cried because it feels as if me being nice is me saying "I am OK with everything and I hope you and OM are having a great time!". I cried because I wanted to hold a line and do something that I knew would hurt her....and I couldn't....even though she has hurt me without thought. Again and again and again.
She responded later with just "thanks!!". Happy to take once again. Happy to get exactly what she asked for while having to give nothing at all.
Again, I know it was the right thing to do...I know that. It was just hard...very hard. Much harder than I would have expected.
