Why did you go? It seems you knew it was going to drag up a lot of stuff?
Labug, Good question. This really got me thinking.
I agreed to their invitation because it was the right thing to do. To me, when someone is kind enough to invite you to a meal in their home, you go along unless you have a good reason not to.
I think I have a lot of these ideas about doing things because it is the 'right thing'.
Also, the kids wanted to see their grandparents but needed me to drive them there (they live a fairly long way away). They can't understand why they seem to be so uninvolved in our lives now.
I have tried to maintain a good relationship with them, but in the last 6 months or so, they have been increasingly NC (this coincided with the looming undefended trial over assets).
I suppose it was in the back of my mind that if I rebuffed their invitation, I would be pegged as the poisonous bit_h that my XH says I am - keeping him and his parents away from our kids.
Do you think your ILs are happy people?
I don't know if they are happy... I think they are kind of nutty. Conflict avoiders and silent tolerators of things that should be brought out in the open.
The father was morbidly obese until he had to have part of his oesophagus and stomach removed due to cancer recently. He is the king of inappropriate comments, insensitive taunts and juvenile smutty jokes. The mother wouldn't say boo to a goose, but keeps feeding her husband fatty, sugary food until he is fit to burst.
Their other son is an alcoholic, but no one mentions the fact that he sleeps overnight in pub carparks when he is too drunk to drive.. and there are constant jokes about the time he vomited all over his infant son who was lying next to him in bed, after another night on the tiles....
The family patriarch, XH's grandfather, was a successful businessman who sent his young children to boarding school even though he lived in the same city as them. His son, XH's father, dropped out of university and ran away to the farthest reaches of our country to take a menial job as soon as he was married. His sons have slipped further down the ladder: XH's brother stopped work to go on the dole aged 30; XH of course is now living off his second female victim.
So no, I doubt that they are 'happy people' in my way of thinking about what should make one happy. But, I also doubt that they are sufficiently self-aware even to contemplate the question.
Well, phew, glad I got that out of my system!
Lots of questions, I know. I hope today is a better day for you.
Yes, it will be. I am taking the kids to a football game, visiting my parents, and enjoying a beautiful autumn day full of sunshine. I am also watching Game of Thrones from the start in a sort of marathon with S15. It's his favourite show and although i am worried by the language and sex scenes that crop up, I realise that as he's already seen it, i might as well get in there and discuss these things with him. Challenging, but a good bonding opportunity.
