He'll huff and he'll puff - my intro

[ladylu]

I am frustrated.
For the last few weeks maybe I haven't been DBing. After that last post something snapped in me. I was tired of being afraid and trying to skulk around to delay getting served.
Part of me feels he needs the D and there will be no reconciliation until after, if ever. Part of me thinks to drag this out but part decided it would be better to just to be done with low conflict and hostility.
So I started to stand up to him and even initiated some R talks.
I told him there is no way I will agree to 50/50 without a judge ordering it. So listen I totally believe the kids need 100% from both parents every day. What I am talking about is residential stability. He made it clear he wouldn't consider nesting. I have watched 50/50 with my stepsons for the last 7 years. It has been awful for everyone.
When we married it was my clear expectation that he be an equal parent and for years he was. Not anymore. He is in the house and does 5% parenting. He's distracted, short tempered and mean with our kids but obsessed with and ultra kind and patient with the 4 year old son of this younger couple that he constantly tags along with. I work full time and he is still on a part time schedule that I encouraged so he could have more flexibility with the four kids. Last year I told him he wasn't living up to that arrangement and I wasn't comfortable with it anymore. He flat out refused to go full-time.
To my shock a couple days after I said that I would not accept 50/50 he made some comments about thinking we would be able work something out very quickly.
He really wants to keep our amazing two year old house and I didn't think we could afford two houses in this area. However there is an older house across the street, very close and I worked with my agent to find out these people would rent to me til could close. The house are in view of each other. It's a great older house that is a little dated and has very little yard. It is a one minute walk between the houses for my six year old. They would be out playing at our current house all the time and could see us both everyday.
So I broached it and he went off, no way will I accept less than 50/50 yadda yadda yadda. He said it's you way or the highway like it's been for 8years.
People I do not want a divorce. I have changed and learned so much - which he sees and acknowledges while saying he is not willing to try or change.
My way or the highway? OK.
He has still not filed but still expects our marriage to magically evaporate by... May? If the kids are going to be disrupted I want it to be in the summer when they are out of school.
I am not afraid of divorce and I am not afraid of ending up with 50/50 or less if a family investigator recommends it. Whatever happens I will do the best for my kids. I am exhausted, I have a great career that needs more of my time, I have been GAL ing and growing like crazy.
I don't know if I should file to force it or go back to wait out the MLC. My husband is not attractive to me right now but I still think we are well matched and could grow from this. That's still what I want. But I don't want to just try and artificially prolong the M. The grass is looking really green on the divorced side of the fence.
I would love any thoughts, feedback, opinions, suggestions.
Thanks, LL