So yesterday, Xbf starts filling my head again with the possibility of reconciliation, yaddda yadda.... I was believing it. Then, he started talking about this real estate agent that is interested in him. I walked away, thought I don't like that. Went back, told him, that he hurt me, indulging in this OW and that I deserve better... then I left.
When I got back, he had flipped a switch and was sorry and started to fill my head again on what a possible relationship could look like. But, he is scared of history repeating itself. This went circular for a while. I was trying to get him to commit. I offered up exclusive, transparent & working on a new relationship. He liked to hear it but again, wouldn't commit. He even pretty much said that he might be trying to cake eat. So... I basically laid it on the table. Saying I want a reconciliation, but if he is not willing to put both feet in, commit & be exclusive....then I'm out. I told him to go figure his stuff out.
I am worth so much more than his crumbs.... I see this now.
I slipped up.... I totally lost my self value over the past few days...again.
I now see that having "coffee's, etc".... pull me back in. I need to let him know that I won't be indulging... that its too confusing. That I deserve better.
I need to get our finances finalized.
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Last night went overnight to a friends place out of town....was great to be away and have something to do and somewhere to go.
DD and Xbf went to the movies... was very ironic that the movie they thought was supposed to be all "action" ended up to be about family & life is short, family means everything and a guy who worked too much. He texted me after their date. "had a nice time and the movie was good (family stuff not just guns and car chases) then jack astors... the cat and DD are on the way...good nite".... I didn't reply. In discussion with my DD today, she said it made him think...lol
~~~~~~~~~~~ Today, I have easter dinner plans at my new friends place out of town. Out of my comfort zone to drive there...but, living this new me life ... I try new things.
OH.... I am anxious to read all about Pearlharbr!!!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
