WAW...Again

[stumps]

Well, if there's one thing I can say for sure...I'm finally really understanding the "rollercoaster" analogy. W is all over the place emotionally, while I try to remain centered at all times. I am learning to become my own rock...and doing a pretty decent job if I may be so bold.

It's interesting to see the ebb and flow of W's behavior and the way she responds to and acts toward me. One minute she'll be pulling me toward her, wrapping her arms around me and loving me up, and then the winds will change and she will be distant and removed. I am trying to respond "appropriately" in all situations, which means (I hope) being loving toward her when she expresses it toward me, and giving her space during the times when she pulls back.

I see the back and forth in her behavior as a good thing...certainly it's better than if there were no positive displays of emotion/behavior from her at all. We had a good day together yesterday. Went clothes shopping together and ended up in a "couples" dressing room because the store was so busy, which allowed for some playful moments between us. W texted from work later that night to say she couldn't wait to get home, and later on in bed she remarked how much she had enjoyed shopping with me. I made Easter baskets for the kids last night and put together a small one for W as well, and actually got a kiss on the lips for that one...That's one of the things I miss most in this situation...not the sex per se (although I *do* miss that), but the physical affection, the smaller displays...kissing, hand-holding. Right up until the bomb drop we would hold hands in bed while falling asleep. I miss that a ton. But...c'est la vie...

So all in all, I'll certainly take a mix of good and bad over having things be all bad. As long as I focus on myself and what I need to be doing I will ultimately be ok, no matter what tough times may be ahead.