Barrybran

[Barrybran]

I feel a little mixed at the moment. My wife wound up coming home at 6:30am and I found out tonight that her friend had had some issues that my wife had helped her with by staying with her through the night. My wife was doing an honourable thing. I still felt strongly about not knowing whether my wife would be home or not and I spoke with her after the kids went to bed. I told her that she did an honourable thing by helping her friend and that I didn't know if she was going to be home to look after the kids or whether I had to take them to work. I told her I didn't need to know what she was doing, who she was with or where she was, only that I needed to know if she was going to be there to look after the kids when I went to work.

My wife is a great mother. She's never let my kids down. Those thoughts were strong in my mind this morning despite having to fight with my mind on other things. Deep down I thought she would be home. I don't like dealing with uncertainty though. Dealing with not knowing what she's doing is tough enough and I've accepted how it is and what I need to do to combat those thoughts. I felt that not knowing whether my wife would be home for the kids was a bit much. She felt I was intruding on her space and I get that. I didn't want to go there as I knew that it was encroaching on her space. I felt that needing to know that the kids would be taken care of outweighed her need for space and privacy.

I related the incident back to our issues with communication and she didn't like that. I told her that she asked me to tell her what I thought and felt and that while I have trouble articulating at times, I felt strongly about this issue and I brought it to her. She related my feelings back to her feelings about not knowing what I was doing on my computer when I cheated. She asked how it felt and I admitted that I had some personal stuff to deal with in that area and that I would. I reiterated to her that I need to know what is happening with the kids and that I felt very strongly about that. The conversation paused and I left the room.

I feel like an arsehole for invading her space. I feel I've done the right thing by myself by asking that I know she'll be there. She did say that I assumed she wouldn't be there and honestly, I didn't know so I had to think she would be there and plan for her not being there. It's not a thought process I want to deal with and I told her that. She's not happy with me right now. I'm getting used to that theme though. I really hope that we can get on the same page. We're so far apart at the moment and I know I'm only making things worse yet I feel that I need to build a solid foundation for myself and if we can set the ground rules now, things will get easier.

See how we go I guess.