I actually have made it this far in the day without crying! WOW! This is something new. I will probably make up for it tomorrow.
H is being more monster lately. I have been working on detaching from his R with OW and GAL. Now that sometimes we are not home when he calls - he gets really pissy. In the meantime, I am having a hard time with small talk. I am mad at him and I just nod my head or give short one word responses. He keeps asking me what is wrong. I fake a smile and say nothing.
I have a had a lot going on with work and family lately also. He is getting mad because he feels uninvolved. Well when he is at OW house all the time, what does he expect. He is never here to tell him anything. He overheard me on the phone and asked me about it - it was a business deal that is being worked on but not a for sure deal. I told him it was not for sure yet. H blew up, "is that the way it is going to be now." I am realizing that he is very controlling now. It is not fair that he can go out all hours with OW and his other new friends, and I cannot take the girls to the store, out for dinner, or talk on the phone without seeing monster. At least he is noticing me...RIGHT?
I keep on doing reading, and keep going into circles about what to do. It is so hard because when H said he was done trying 6 months ago - he meant it. Since then he has moved to other bedroom, and will not touch me. It is like we are roommates. I believe that he is being honest about the divorce when he figures out his situation. However, I also believe that if OW was gone, he would reconsider. The month she went back to her boyfriend, he started to come back to me. Which makes me think maybe it is not MLC. But he is completely 180 of what he was 7 months ago. UGH!!! I HATE HATE HATE this!
The other thing that bothers me is I know that he would not do the same that I am doing. His family is very easy to give up on things. If I were having a MLC - he would leave week 1. Why am I bending over backwards - when he would not.
I also worry because H has always had issues with depression. He has quit IC and he only has 3 friends right now. They are divorced woman that are new as of his MLC. They are older but act like they are in 20s, drinking and partying tons. H is having EA and PA with one of them. I worry that when his relationship dissolves with OW, he is going to hurt himself or others or fall into a deep depression. he had a crappy childhood that he has not dealt with at all. He needs to be healthy for the kids. UGH! I think I worry to much.
