A boundary unenforced isn't a boundary. It's a "GeeIreallywishyouwouldn't." wink
So true! I did not think of it that way. My wimpiness comes out when setting boundaries. I don't know why I am such a wimp. I should not have a problem setting boundaries - since he says he is divorcing me anyhow. What do I have to lose?
This is so bleeping hard. I can see why people take the easy road and get divorced. It would be easier if he did not live in same house. But then my kids would know something is wrong. I will have to read about boundaries and set at least one with a consequence. UGH!
H is OW's supervisor!!! Gee, what could go wrong there?
tld, I'll have to read this from the beginning. You are right that it is very difficult when you are in the same house. I think it is also very difficult when you are not in the same house; just a different kind of difficult.
Thanks for the insight. I cannot believe that you sleep in the same bed? I cannot even get me husband to hug, kiss, or hold my hand.
As for H and OW at work. It gets worse they are endangering people in the worst way. It really makes my moral compass go off. I want to tell, so that people can be safe. UGH - what to do?
No it has not always been like this. His family is quick to temper. They stomp around like 2 year olds and then they are done. Whereas my family is easy going and does not get upset.
He has always done the sleepwalking, and can be verbally nasty. He sleepwalks when stressed, which is now. The fake sleepwalking to have sex started with this whole ordeal.
The getting mad when I do things with kids is ridiculous. He was upset because we were not home when he usually calls. Ummmm that is why we have cell phones. I think he does not like losing control. Before this all happened I was a homebody and had few friends. I did not go out, I am a busy mom. It always drove him nuts that I did not have a best friend. Now it drives him nuts that I do have friends. He also is projecting his guilt on me. Accused me if cheating and lying.
I don't know, maybe there always has been abuse. I would say right now him refusing to come near me, and saying not nice things, and threatening divorce is abusive. If we ever try to reconcile, we will have a lot of work to do.
So now that I am trying to detach I find conversations are hard. I feel like I sm being a b????. Has anyone else had this problem? What did you do to overcome it?
I am feeling lots of anger towards H - this is not a common reaction to anything from me. Normally I do not have a temper. Did any of you have lots of anger? I will have to do a search on it.
I go through a rollercoaster of anger and sadness. One minute I am like "I deserve so much better than this #$&@#! And the next I ask myself why is she worth his effort/love but I am not" It would be so much easier if I could just stick with the anger because the sadness is what makes me break the rules.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
I am sorry that you are here. You must be very busy with your kids. I hope that you are feeling well with your pregnancy.
It is odd for me to be angry or mad, it is not a behavior that usually do. I am a very easy going person. When I know that H has been with OW and he comes and gives the kids hugs or kisses it literally disgusts me. I don't like him staying in spare room, but it is the best since I disgusted by the actions he is doing with OW (which he says is only a friend.) I have been detaching, but the problem is that I cannot be nice in small talk. I just am quiet and when I do give answers they are one word responses. He has noticed as he keeps asking me what is wrong. I have a lot going on with family and work right now - he keeps getting mad, saying I am keeping stuff from him. If he were home instead of at OW house all the time - I would tell him. GRRRRRR. I have realized now that I am GAL - he is controlling. Like tonight we were running errands and he must of called home 5 times and my cell 5 times in like 15 minutes looking for us. I just was very calm and said I was driving and could not answer. It is very frustrating.
I am constantly questioning lots of things: 1. is it truly MLC 2. should I break the secrecy of the affair 3.am I doing the right things 4. What are the mental issues I am seeing from H. All this is very confusing. I wish I could get a coaching session, but I don't have extra money.
