Today was rough. This morning my daughter had piano practice and afterwards as we were driving my wife made the comment that she will never visit my mom or sister. I told her that that was her choice but that I did not want to have a relationship were there is separation (separate family, friends, etc). She told me that I cannot control what she does. I told her that I understand but at the same time I feel that she is communicating that she does not value my feelings.
My wife has always not like my mom or sister. One of the chief reasons was that about 10 years ago when we first got married, we had a lot of marital problems and I walked out to live with my mom. My wife has always felt that my mom was wrong/against the marriage because of that. She doesn't like my sister because my sister made a comment one day that my wife was a "stuck up" since she rarely came to any of my family events.
When we got home, she told me that she is no longer going to hold back on her career, that her work and daughter are going to come before me and that I am going to have to live with it. I told her that I suppose her work and want her to advance but that she could have both a career and a marriage. She told me that I went to school, advanced in m career and that she is tired of putting everyone first. I told her that I will support her all the way but the marriage had to be a priority for both of us or else it is not going to work. She told me that she has to be in a position where she can support our daughter in the event that the marriage doesn't work out - ouch!!! I told her that I want to save our marriage but I was not going to tolerate not being a priority. She told me that she doesn't know if we are going to work out or if she wants to stay and that on Tuesday we needed to bring up these issues.
She took our daughter to visit her aunt/cousin who were in town and told me that I was not invited - that she needed alone time. After she left, I must have cried for a good hour and just felt defeated. This was what I was afraid of - that I would take a chance and have my emotions all screwed up again. Honestly, I don't feel confident that this is going to work. She gives me moments of happiness and hope - but I feel like she is on a different page and that marriage is just not that important to her as it is to me.
