Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You are so so so right.
I told him, shortly before he left (things were pretty bad between us at that point) that I had reached my rock bottom in terms of my emotional well-being and I recognized that I couldn't go on living that way any longer. That's when I finally took action to make changes for myself. It was too late for him. But once I started feeling better, a couple of weeks after he left, I told him that I would never go back to that dark place. And I mean that 100%. To me, getting healthy and getting out of the negative space I was in is a life or death proposition. I could not go on living the way I was. He didn't believe the changes would last and told me so. But there is no going back for me.
For a long time, my neediness made him feel like he was contributing much more to the relationship than I was--and he told me so. And maybe that was true, even though I did contribute in important ways. He just couldn't notice it because he didn't feel loved and supported enough. (And his not noticing made me feel unloved and unsupported. Ack, what a horrible dynamic we had!)
Now that I am so much stronger, maybe he will be more able to see the ways that I contribute to the relationship, and that we can have a more equal partnership.
And if he can't, my next partner surely will.
I am so grateful for this forum. It's given me tremendous perspective and confidence.
