25yearsmlc: I think I get what you are saying. We all have to adjust to this new situation, and I can either judge him/shame him/throw it in his face, or be someone only a fool would walk away from and handle it in a mature, collaborative way. This is my new reality, and I can't change this reality overnight, so I have to handle it as the best "me" possible.
There is definitely a part of me that worries that this fuels his vision of "won't it be so wonderful to be divorced from her. See, she'll be a great co-parent with me. This is definitely the right call.". In many ways I think he is seeing what life after divorce is like-- and he doesn't seem to love it-- so when I am fine with picking up the slack and saving him from the hard parts, I worry a bit that it reassures him that it won't be so bad after all.
Oh boy. Just when I think I was making such great progress. Sigh!
Ok-- I think I figured out my takeaways: VALIDATE how he feels-- he feels how he feels, and he has a right to feel that way. And I don't have to be a doormat and roll over to every request. I can assert myself ("How can we problem-solve this together, in a way that feels equitable and reasonable for both of us?") without being nasty.
