I get the "soap opera combined with a game of chess" analogy. I leave the house wondering if I played it correct. If I said something she could use against me later or gave her information to attack me with later. I think part of detaching is letting them think what they will and getting on with life...but it is SO HARD. I just try to make things more normal for the kids and be involved. I offered to take her motorcycle to the shop if she needs it in exchange for baked goods. I then spent the next few hours second guessing if she would take the offer as she couldn't do it herself and is only good at baking. I then realized I could bake the stuff myself once I get into new apartment (no oven here) and my offer was out of kindness not control. My head spins about this stuff sometimes....
BD OM EA 9/2013 ICAYBDNLY 10/2013 I Move out 1/2014 Separation draft sent 5/2014 S13 S13 S9