I really do get it
I spent most of MC explaining and acknowledging my role in this and accepting that I had caused her to be unhappy.
But there are so many things that she has done since we split that were totally unneccesary and completely out of character.
Such as her completely distancing herself from our boys and messing around with married guys and many things I haven't even mentioned.
I know I can have no say over what she does and I intend to detach from now on but my contribution to the breakdown is now on record and I have accepted it totally.
I am just saying that none of it explains her erratic behaviour, especially regarding our sons,they are blameless so while she might be fully expected to exclude and break from me she should still want to be a mum to them.
I can only say that it isn't just me who sees the strange behaviour in her, it is lots of other people including her friends who are increasingly concerned for her.
I know it appears that I have been some sort of control freak in all of this but that really isn't the case, I have been completely emasculated in all of this as she has totally called the shots in our marriage for years. She decided where we went on holiday, what we spent money on and so many other aspects of our lives.
I agreed and went along because I loved her and believed thats what loving husbands did.
I had my faults, lots of them, but the bottom line is that she decided ( she has made this clear) that all of a sudden she began to dislike the fact that I was 50 and so much older than her. This guy was younger, more attractive and when she started working fulltime, always there and she fell for him.
Only after that and when the damage was done did she begin to question everything and decide it must be that she was unhappy.
She has already said she wasn't really unhappy but not really really happy. But marriages need work and she has made no effort to address any of our issues. I am prepared to do whatever it takes to fix things, including examining myself and changing everything I need to so that I can be a better husband.
I am going to do it anyway, with or without her.