Sad times

[MamaB]

Happy Friday everyone, Happy Good Friday for those who celerbrate. The kids are out of school today and are happily chalking up my driveway as I type.

My parents are in town for the week and I have to say it feels so great to have help. I forget how that feels, just to have the coffee made in the morning is joy! My IC wants me to concentrate on feeling happiness in the moment, so I'm really trying to focus on how nice it is to have the support of my family.

This will be our first Easter without my STBX and I feel sad that this is a first of many first to come without him. I also feel relieved that he will not be here. Today was information exchange and while I'm glad that part (paperwork) is over, I still feel fear for the next steps. I'm still working on forgiveness but it is soooooo hard. When my H mentions how he desperately misses our girls, I get so mad because, yes YOU miss them, but YOU moved so stop complaining to me. I don't write that, but I want to. I truly want to believe that life will take care of my H, so that I can continue to STFU. Some days I feel resentful because I think he has gotten off the hook so easily from me.

I feel that I'm getting stronger, still working on what I need to do/change to make myself happier, more full person and Mother. I want to celebrate the Joy.