25 and others-- I have so appreciated all the great advice. I think I am doing a decent job of detaching (took me a few months, but I got there), and starting to move on with my life.
But now...I really need some help with learning how to validate. Here's the story: The schedule has been that H comes over M, W, Th mornings before work 7 am (I have to leave by 7:15, and our babysitter's schedule has always been 7:30). He also comes Sat morning at 7 and spends the day with D on Saturdays from 7-3:30 pm. He also comes M and F after work (5-8:30), and Sunday evening 3:30-8:30.
He emailed me to say that this schedule is leaving him feeling exhausted. He wants to "be fair" to me, and spend time with D, but feels like he wants to cut it down to 3 mornings a week instead of 4, and come this Saturday at 8 instead of 7.
He says he doesn't want my sympathy, but just wants to explain that he is struggling with the schedule.
This is the cliff's notes version, so feel free to ask clarifying questions. But.. please help me figure out how to validate/empathize and respond appropriately, when what I really want to say is: "You POS, you BD and left me just as I was starting to work on major anxiety and depression issues, after not supporting me enough emotionally when I had PPD, and you seem to be completely incapable of understanding how your choice to abandon our marriage has completely uprooted my life, left me scared for my financial future, and made my life much more complicated and difficult. This was your choice! This is what you wanted! You don't want me to be your partner! Darn straight this is hard to do alone! Deal with it!"
I know I can't say that. But I have no idea what I am supposed to say. How do I validate/empathize without being a doormat?? (He's tired so he gets to just release himself from childcare responsibility?? Um, I'm pretty tired, too.) Oh, and to add to my frustration, while he says he is so exhausted, he's also asked me to take his Sunday evening time so that he can go out to a special event with a guy from work.
I am trying so hard to be someone only a fool would walk away from... and most days I feel pretty great about my progress. But this is hard for me too. I'm tired, and I didn't sign up to do this parenting thing alone. I am so angry and sad that he has put us all in this situation.
