What is happening here is EXACTLY how this runs it's course. She makes a statement when she leaves. After about 7 months (in your case)you FINALLY made one back with serving her. Her "next move" is to get the advantage back. And, like most above have noted, she's going for the weak spot that even YOU must acknowledge you have.
Kind of ironic (and I point this out for a HUGE reason) that you just finished talking about your profound changes and here you are all twisted up because she talked to you. In going down memory lane you showed her you aren't different at all.
Seriously, and this poke in the eye is tough love, how long did it take you to become the guy she packed up and moved out on? Even you stated you have this baggage you've been carrying. So, as all the threads clearly show, you did VERY little in the first six months and only started to ACT on advice here a month ago.
Honestly, (and don't take this personally as we ALL DID IT), do you really think you have made SUBSTANTIAL, PERMANENT, POSITIVE, LIFELONG, "BEST SCORP EVER" changes in 30 days????????
How long did it take for your personalities (yes, hers too) to get to the point that she left? How long did you watch your M deteriorate as you both slid further down the slope of apathy?
Of course she sounds like her old self. That's because she IS her old self!!!! AND SO ARE YOU!!!
This is a LLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG road, my friend. And I believe that the longstanding description on DB is ROLLER-COASTER.``
Back and forth; up and down; fast and slow. Exhilarating and nauseating. ALL OF IT!
I`ll take another step here, too.
Consider this- You have had the benefit of this counter-intuitive group to open your eyes. And you are just beginning to SEE what it will take to save yourself from the apathy and misinformation that got you here. And you are only starting to make steps to ACT on it. What has she had?? Enabling assistance and support from friends and family (most of which know 1/2 the story, right?)
How different from when she left do you think she is? Close to nothing. And this is the woman who took your kids; kept it secret and bombed you with police at your home waiting for you?
THIS IS WHO YOU WANT BACK IN YOUR LIFE?????????
Harsh? Yes Reality? Yes
I'll leave you with another analogy.
When you drive on the QE2, do you look 5 ft in front of the truck (yes, I'm sure you have one)? No, you don't. Your reactions to the road would have to be amazingly fast. You look about 150 to 200 ft down and steer at an end point, right?
This process is the same.
Look further down the road, Scorp.
You should be looking at how your kids will be when they are older because of this experience
You should be looking at where YOU want to be in order to be THAT guy who is a musician, business owner, awesome dad, great friend and amazing husband/partner to an awesome woman.
You look at that end point and work toward that.
Until you can see that the woman you are currently lamenting and missing is NOT that woman (yet, maybe never)that is right for the "Super Scorp" described above, you haven't changed enough.
That's a lot of lumber to the noggin. Done with the utmost respect and sympathy.
I can't wait for EricM to jump on this one LOL! He'll likely throw some 2x4's right back at me HA HA HA
And, Scorp, I'm years further down this road. I'm different. But still not different enough for my "end goal"
There is WAY more to this than you currently know. We are just dealing with the current situation you are in. You haven't even started on how to PREVENT this from ever happening again.
And that is another "life-long" course- Unlearning all the bahaviors and beliefs that got you here.
FYI- I still get caught up when my ex takes a conversation down 'memory lane.' Hard thing to break. And then I realize that she is still the same woman that left. Still living in the past with the same old tendencies and patterns as before. And I saw how that movie ended. So I keep going.
Control is impossible Detach from the emotion of this Be your natural self Earn back your self-respect Assign responsibility equally Realize this process will improve you
