People around here always say "The affair isn't the biggest problem in the marriage, it's only a symptom." And I always disagree. I say "It may not be the biggest PROBLEM, but it IS most certainly the most immediate OBSTACLE.
I totally agree. In fact I told W this when we had the A confrontation in January. (back when I was much more foolish than I am now) I agreed that yes, OM is just a symptom, but the A is absolutely blocking any forward progress. And of course, at the time, that was just more of me telling her things.
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I think it's very healthy for a WW to get to know herself for awhile, provided she is no longer in contact with OM.
Couldn't agree more. And provided she is no longer in contact with OM, I am very comfortable in giving her all the time and space she needs.
It sounds like she regrets getting back into A, which hopefully means she won't fall back in a third time. I think it was the stress of the new job (she f'd up at work big time this week because of the stress of home and A) and those two breakdowns earlier in the week that led her to start thinking. Right now, her top priority is her job, because she wants the independence from men. I can't think of a better thing for her to focus on while she gets over OM.
And Zew can go into quiet support mode becoming the man only a fool would leave.
BTW... going back a few weeks when I was trying to introduce the shared debit account for expenses, and she accused me of wanting 40% of her income... On a table I quietly left a printed web article describing 6 popular models used by couples to split expenses, and 3 articles on the model I had proposed. I found them on the bed twice this week along with her glasses, which means she has picked them up and read them. She may now realize that I wasn't trying to hoodwink her. My work there is done.
