Discovering the buck stops here....

[mizjjd]

I don't know if the counseling is good bad or indifferent.

All I do know is that continuing as we were was not good. And it could have continued indefinitely. H does not want to separate. He wants OW and me as well. I am willing to leave if I have to, but I don't yet want to. But I do want things to change. I view the counseling as a gamble.

A friend on my Fb posted something about The Golden Rule and how we all should follow it. Another friend countered with, "We already do. What you may not realize is how much self-hate there is in the world."

Something to think about... especially for me and my sitch. H does not like himself and I believe his behavior to me is a reflection of how he thinks of himself. Even the accusations of character "flaws" he makes are actually more a description of him. In the car he brought up how he thinks I am boring. I had to ask. "I'm boring? How, exactly?" He says I never want to do anything. This is very not true. And I called H on it. I asked him what it was I was stopping him from? Because all we do is work and tv, unless there's a kid's sporting event. Many times I have asked, and initiated going out. For a drink, for dinner, to listen to a local band etc. H hates it. Does nothing but complain.

This is a small example, but it is significant to me because I now realize how much of H's complaints about me are really complaints about himself.

I'm hoping that H's anger over the counseling is possibly a good thing. Maybe it will prompt him to confront, instead of ignore, his actions.

Time will tell I suppose.

Cheers,

~~ Jaye