own buz 27: finances, travel, mediation : STFU !

[makingmagic]

Hi Gabby... I think you misunderstood. He was cranky yesterday because I turned left out of the driveway instead of right... going right suggests going home.

I will not admit that about being mad, because that is not even close to what my feelings are. I don't care if he was mad or not about my weekend. The old magic would have been concerned about what he was feeling. My objective in telling him about my weekend was about sharing an interesting thing about self discovery. Wanting to share with a friend concept. Wanting to share with my old best friend. I am eager to tell him all of my new discovery, but I won't. Not until he is more engaged in the outcome with me. As he is struggling with his own path, I wanted him to know that these types of weekend exist. That I had no interest in going and was looking for ways to not go. How I was making excuses, etc. and then how powerful my weekend was. And how beneficial self discovery is.

Gabby, looking back to where I was a year ago, to where I am now... there is major progression. Im sure you can't understand because you are not fully aware of who my Xbf was. Bond seems the best one to understand him and his motives. Progression in convo is important. Listening is too. This is important, if I truly want to hear him and possible reconciliation. Action is him admitting that he wants to date, and actually is spending time outside of work with me.

I am adamant about trying to focus on me... I see how important it is for my journey. I need to push through my fears (being single) and embrace it. To fully grow and be worthy of a GREAT future relationship with him or another. I am eager to do this!! Just because I post about him, does not mean that I am focused on him.

My only true dilemma at this time is to fight myself on time... I am anxious to jump all over this but know its not for the best. I recognize that I want to control his timing here... but, I won't. I truly want this reconciliation to be HIS desire, not just mine...therefore I need to step back and let him do the work (if thats what he wants). I just don't fully understand what all that means. What does him doing the work, look like?