Wonka, I think I want to talk to her because I don't want to lose her without ever having even talked to her. I've changed profoundly and I'd like for her to know who she's leaving behind now, the person I've become, rather than the guy I was.
Thanks Mach, AK. I have started to see this whole thing as a chance to finally be the person I was always meant to be. I carried around a lot of baggage my whole life and only now through this situation have I let it go. I don't think I'd be the person I am not without the 'warning shot'.
Now, back to what Wonka was saying, I don't want to read too much into it, last night on my call with my kids my wife actually talked to me! She sounded like her old self. It started with me talking about the old Mickey Mouse cartoon that my wife and the kids were watching and the next thing I know my wife and I are reminiscing about when our oldest first watched the cartoon and loved it so much. This went on for at least 25 minutes. It was almost like old times again and my kids LOVED that my wife and I were talking with them. Also, I mentioned that it was my Dad's birthday yesterday and my wife suggested that she's have the kids call him which we both agreed would make his day. Very nice of her to do and it did make my Dad's day. I stuck with the DB principle of ending the contact first so I said I should let them all get back to their night together and ended the call, even though I wanted to stay talking with her for the rest of the night.
Anyway, I know it was only one call but not only did she talk to me for the first time in 6 months, she sounded and acted like the woman I've always known and loved. It felt so good to talk to her again like that.
No! No! No! Don't tell her how you have changed! Please don't do it. Telling her how you've changed is not going to make her see it and come home.
Oh my.
She is being nice because that is your weak spot. She knows you mean business now regarding the kids. Please don't pool that by getting suckered back in.
Please.
Absolutely agree ^^^^^
This is a push/pull dynamic, and you have taken back some of the power in this now, because you filed...
She IS going to try to move you from your stance now, and this is the way that she knows (or at she thinks that she knows) how to do it....
Your soft side is your weak side, and she is playing the guilt card....
I am not advocating that you aren't nice, and that you shouldn't have these interactions...
Just do not expect anything to be different because of them.
Her decision is to leave the marriage, and you...
And until she changes her mind ???
That will always be her decision....
Enjoy the time that you spend talking, just don't expect anything to change because of them....
It is these small consistent changes, over the course of a long period of time, that will pay dividends....
