Hey Praying. Stop beating yourself up over this. He needs to start to see that the fantasy he has about life without you is just that, a fantasy! I do agree you need to stop bringing up OW. She isn't the actual problem, his actions are. You need to remember something that has taken me a long time to really get.....it's not about you! It's not about your marriage being either "good" or "bad" (my wife likes to talk about our marriage like its a "thing". It was "bad" and there's nothing that can be done about THAT), or anything you did or didn't do. It's about the fact that your H is hurting and wants it to stop and you MUST be the problem because if you aren't, than it must be him!
Like you I have had to take over most of the hard work of our marriage. My W does almost nothing except laundry on weekends and thinks that makes her a great mom and she's doing her part. I like you are starting to get to the point where I think until my S leaves, she may never understand the truth. In my case SHE (for the first time in 20 years) is making the money. (Company I worked for closed and before B-day wife agreed I should start a new company knowing it would be a couple years where I wouldn't make much money. Now she wants to leave me pennieless) so be thankful you are in a good financial position!
He needs to hear the hard truth sometimes. He needs to at least do something for you and the kids if he wants to stay and get his bills paid and a roof over his head. You did fine except for talking about OW. Don't let him think you see her as anything but a joke. Doesn't she have a "boyfriend"? Sounds to me like an excuse for her not to take things farther with him if you ask me! He may just be being used by HER and he's being HER fool!
