What makes you so paralyzed with fear to withhold emotional intimacy? Have you ever considered that Gabe wants YOU to be that woman who is able to do this? What if you knew now that withholding it is a deal breaker for him? Would you share that part of you with him?
Someone has to go first. Why not you?
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I don't think you are being true to yourself because you keep hiding from how you feel. I don't think he will run either but if he does, you wouldn't want him any way.
Since Marc will graduate in just a few weeks, you can now move to a cheaper place. Gabe will have to take whatever there is. Can't he pick up odd security jobs? Events need someone, banks hire security. Can't he try to be a cop again? What about a fireman? If he has to, he can do what it takes. Let him man up.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
He's already working on it. He tends to scramble when things get desperate before he falls into a funk when nothing works out. I had a thought that I shared with him about the situation but I'm not going to push it any further. It has to be his decision.
Since he is being laid off he would qualify for unemployment. If he files for unemployment he should be able to qualify for a job retraining program and get some different skills that could lead to a more stable job. Who knows. Just a thought. We'll see what he does with that.
He can't be a police officer again unless he could get his certification back. They pulled all of his certs (including his jailer cert) and it's thousands of dollars and a legal battle with the state to get it back. We don't have thousands of dollars and years to battle with them.
Being true to myself? I really don't know what that would be. I do what I need to do for myself. Sharing my feelings has not been a strong suit for me ever. Being ignored or shot down in the past when it comes to my feelings has made me even more gun shy. Rocking to boat while there is other turmoil like a job loss is just not a good idea for me or him.
I know. Same old story. It will likely be this way for a long time to come. I'm choosing to suck it up and live each day to the best I can.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I understand that life stresses are difficult to navigate. But seriously... when is it a good time to stick up for yourself?
This is a complete cop out. It's like saying, "I've always been unhappy, and that's just how I am. I'm okay with it." But the truth is that you're NOT okay with it. So why do you hold on to those miserable underlying beliefs that continue to cause misery?
Quote:
Being ignored or shot down in the past when it comes to my feelings has made me even more gun shy.
Ok, so how's this working for you? What if you opted to let him know in a loving way that you are NOT okay with this? And then decide that you don't want to be in a relationship where your needs are ignored or shot down? Why would you choose this the second time around?
Mish, if my XH came back to me unwhole and unhappy, there is no way in hell that I'd continue the farce of pretending. It's just not good enough for me anymore. So why is it good enough for you? Do you think this is a good role model for Marc? You're basically showing him, "My needs are not important enough. Watch me. And learn how to be miserable just like me."
Sorry for whacking you. I'm not. I'm whacking this belief system that is crazy.
Happy Easter and a big hug for you.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I'm not entirely unhappy, I'm just not satisfied and that is my own problem and not something I feel I should lay at Gabe's feet right now. It's not urgent. I won't give up because that's just not who I am. I believe in sticking it out until death....truly. They weren't just words in a ceremony. I take them to heart.
What is good enough? What more do I expect really? Am I too practiced at expecting absolutely zero? Maybe that's it. Too many years of expecting nothing from anyone so I don't get hurt when things don't go well. Hmmm....interesting thought.
I'm happy in my own way I guess. Do you recall a time of pure joy? I can't remember that feeling and I'm not sure I would recognize it if it did come. That's pretty sick. DANG! I don't want to think about it anymore. I'm tearing up sitting at my desk. Not good.
Ok....deep breath.....let it go.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Mish if you are getting upset reading this or responding to it then you know that is where your issue is. I have felt for some time that the attack on you those many years ago took your self worth. You DO deserve love, respect and appreciation. Where do you begin with that? Yourself. If you have to tell yourself that 1000 times a day until you get that, then do it. Until you have that for yourself, it will be hard to enforce that with Gabe or anyone else.
I can see it in you, now let's get you there too.
Hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Mish, instead of saying it to Gabe, if you feel that you can't do that at the moment, write it out, on here if you like or somewhere else. But get it outside of you, keeping it in is doing you no good.
I'm still no entirely sure what it is you want to say to him. What do you want him to do? That's not an attacking question, it's just a question. Men will find it hard to just here you expressing feelings without some form of action they can take.
There comes a time when you have to just accept what you have and stop hoping for more. What more could there be anyway?
I disagree, especially if you aren't happy with what you have and clearly from what you have posted for quite some time you aren't. I know it's tough to be the one who rocks the boat, I'm not a fan of rocking the boat either - but you should never settle for less than what you really deserve and in my opinion you deserve more than what you are getting.
DANG! I don't want to think about it anymore. I'm tearing up sitting at my desk. Not good.