living with WAW who hasn't walked yet (3)

[ye21]

I feel all DB has had no effect on this, other than helping me come to grips. Just seems that every day, she is more resolved on her path. I believe that problems are typically easier to resolve the earlier are tackled. I am really reduced to just letting this ride?

Zew many of us feel like this, however there is a important thing, if after all this happens you are able to survive, become a better Dad and a better person and you ended being happier with yourself, do you still thinking its not worth it?

Basically we always want to know the outcome because its easier to "control" what we know, what we dont know we dont care about it....

You are doing great, and at the end no matter what if she chooses to D thats her problem, what it really matters for me is that you walk this path and you find the exit without loosing yourself, there are many people who get divorce, and many who remarried, and many of them still carry the same issues in each relationship they get into it. You with DBing and posting here are reducing the probabilities of that happening, whoever this ends, you will be proud of yourself.

You are a human being entitled to do what in the eyes of others are mistakes, just look at the scientifics or doctors, they have to live a life where thye keep failing to ended finding a solution....and look at how many people benefit from that....
In this forum the " mistakes" help you to act in a different way next time and learn, and your W its not entitled to judge you for that.
Because of the way we are raised, in our system there is always this belief of "do good things and get a reward, do bad things and be punished" and thats why we are so hard in ourselves everytime we do something not according the way others expect.

My W blamed me of not trusting her....she didnt trust me either, but she didnt consider that a mistake because she consider that the abusse inflicted by her father justified that.... That made me suffer unumerous abusse thinking that taking it I was helping her...at the end I was judged and "punished" in my mind, the reality is that the only person who punish himself was me, I tought it was part of life to be punished, today I dont see things that way, I have compassion for myself and I realize that those "mistakes" are experiences that help me grow, the fact that we fail has to be taken as an experience to grow!!!

Or because you failed in certain areas you are gonna give up love? Do you realize how we punish ourselves? I failed in supporting her!! I deserve all this... I will never be loved again because I failed in my marriage...

Now look at the oter way, you did things in a different way, you are learning from them and they might not repeat anymore, that means you are growing up, if its not enough for her, that should not discourage you from being loved again.

When people get D I believe their next marriage sometimes doesnt work because they dont allow themselves to learn and improve themselves, the benefit of DB is that encourage you to spend all this time working on that, on improving yourself, and sometimes as a consecuence of this you get back with your spouse... However thats not the goal...dB its a like an intense training course to learn how to be a better you...

You are doing fine, and we are here at your side