She left - 3

[gogofo]

Hello my name is GoGoFo and I am a workaholic, and so is my wife.

I never thought about it but if it is looked at from an addition angle, I am a workaholic because it negatively effects my life. The good news is that I am over 4 months "sober" and continue to work at it.

I guess I can liken it to enjoying wine with dinner every night to make your dinner more enjoyable and then wake up without any hangover; this to me in not addiction. Then take the same quantity of wine and pound down two bottles every weekend, wake up with a hangover, miss commitments, etc; to me this is addiction.

During the project I had I was in the grips of addiction (work) and spiraling out of control. The problem was also being required to partake in the addiction by having to work at least 40 hours a week and take care of any other issues. Not a good time for anyone.

Tonight is the night. We will have dinner, dye eggs with the kids, put them down for bed, then I wait to see what she has to say. Right now I am not antsy or nervous. I finished a book on restoring trust last night and have an idea what could be in store for us if we head down that path.

I am excited for tonight, but trying to not let it turn into expectations. Trying to remain at optimistic realism and will be acting "as if" we have a strong and healthy relationship when I arrive. I am ready to listen, validate, and STFU if I feel argumentative or offended. Those feelings need to be in check because they will not help us work through or solve anything.

DR says this, Sandi's rules says this, and the trust book I read reinforces that listening and validating help work through issues; leave offence and blame at the door. It does not mean that we agree with everything the other person says, but it does mean that we understand what they are saying and how they feel.

People can argue all night long when in the situation we all find ourselves in. This solves nothing and fixes nothing. My goal right now is a CHANCE at reconciliation and my actions will be dictated by moving closer to that goal. My pride has nothing to do with rebuilding the R, her feelings to not trump mine, we are equals in the R.

I am going to try and pave this bumpy road smooth with understanding, support, positive 180s, and my personal growth.