So far the affair is a secret. Is there any truth to if you bust the secret it puts strain on the affair?
Yes, it usually does work (esp. for men, in work situations). It did for me. But it is NOT DBing, and not recommended around here. If you want, you can do some research on the various pro's and con's, and make your own decision. It's not a step to be taken likely.
More importantly, what boundaries are you putting in place for YOU? You can't control a spouse's decision to have an affair, but there ARE things you can insist upon for your own self-respect. For me, it was "no texting or phoning OM from inside our marital home," "no phoning OM in front of the kids," "no family funds used to pay for your affair" (like her cellphone, for instance), etc.
Does this other woman's husband know about their affair?
