With All My Hopes and Dreams

[soldier]

Once again your words strike true Nettles. I too felt like I lost what had made me my own person and I also had much resentment towards my W for moving on without me. I am glad that your W is letting you participate in the Easter activities as that is very important for sure. It is weird how many things I was able to take for granted prior to this space that I am dealing with. I walk around the house and it is so empty and quiet and you can’t help but think and realize. It has been the single most changing experience in my life even beating out 7 years in the military. I will definitely check your book recommendation out as I have very much enjoyed what I have read thus far on the topic of the Buddhist way of life. It seems so calming and positive.

So as far as my situation goes but W sent me an email yesterday saying:

W - “It seems that you have been extremely short with me as of our last phone conversation. I know you said you would give me some space, so I suppose that is what you are doing.”

She talked about business with my daughter for this up and coming weekend and then ended her initial letter with:

W - “Can we do lunch sometime next week? Let me know when you have some time. I hope things are okay.”

This made me happy but I immediately began dropping my expectations so as to not get overly excited or enthusiastic. The conversation continued for a few emails and here are the main highlights:

Me - “I did not mean for me to come off as being short with you. I am trying to respect and honor your wishes”
Me - “It would be nice to do a lunch together next week sometime. Just let me know when and where and I will figure it out.”
Me - “Things are just fine. I am learning more than I ever thought possible about myself and my actions and recently I have been doing a lot of thinking as well. I would love to share some with you sometime but I don't think that now is that time.”
W - “Thank you for the answer and reply. Perhaps lunch next week would be a better time to discuss things.”
Me - “I will follow you lead and go at your pace.”

It might not have been a picture perfect conversation as I borderlined on bring R into it but I wanted to also try to build some mystery with her. All in all I would give it a C+ and I will try better next time. There is no date set for lunch but I am going to work hard this weekend to get my mind right for when it happens. I am much more emotional detached then I was but a bit more polish is probably wise.

Here is another item for our list of positives:

4) Gaining a deeper understanding of who I am.