Yep, keep that sense of humor, it will get you through a lot
I work for the same company as my h and ow, but at a different location. So, I do hear things through the grapevine... Affair partners can be so wrapped up in each other and their drama, they really don't see how obvious they are. They think they are so slick! But people know, and don't approve.
They are the ones that have to deal with people thinking less of them - a loss of respect from their peers - a tarnished personal and professional reputation. All by their own doing...
Yes, I would be skeptical if he's being too nice - could mean he's up to something. Be pleasant and nice, but keep your guard up.
I know detaching is hard, but GAL really is the key. Try getting a sitter to do some things kid-free. It doesn't have to be anything major... Go to dinner with a friend, see a movie, take a walk, whatever. You deserve some time to relax and recharge your batteries too.
If the intimidation has been in your M for awhile, maybe that's a 180 for you - standing up for yourself, but not get sucked into a confrontation. You can do it. It will be hard at first, but don't give up.
You asked about how long this lasts. It does seem to take years for if/when they make it through. But I think that 2-7 years timeline includes the denial and anger phases, which could have been going on long before you got bombed.
I know it seems overwhelming to think of it in terms of years. Instead, try making short term goals for yourself. I remember being so happy to get to a new month. Plan fun things to do so you have something to look forward to. Make special occasions really nice for your kids, plan things with friends and family.
Time goes faster when we're not focused on them
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
