Acceptance...

[JustStunned]

This is tough for everyone. You are not alone in this. I cannot tell you how to do this. I can relate what I have done and ask questions. YMMV.

My experiences have similarities to yours. She has never looked back and has professed happiness to such an extent that at times I have wondered if she is deluded or high.

I don’t know if this will help or hurt. Life is different now, it is up to you to make it better and there is no strict recipe to follow. There are a few things one can do. Try and find something to be grateful for and express gratitude. Try and start out small, for instance:

This weekend I had opportunities to spend time with my Son, his wife and my Grandchild. Given the family dynamics and my son’s work schedule this had become unusual since late January. There are many aspects of last weekend I am grateful for. I will use memories of it and express gratitude to buoy myself when I have to look hard for things to be grateful for.

I live in Northern Ohio and we’re watching spring arrive. This weekend the temp reached 80 degrees. That is the first time since last October. The spring flowers are bloom and DIL asked for my assistance prepping some flower beds. Of course GD had to be in the middle of this effort; the day prior my S and I went to a steak fry and spent some father son time together. It was the first time in 7 weeks I had even seen him and the first steak I have enjoyed in recent memory.

Yesterday there was an inch to an inch and a half of snow covering everything. The song birds seemed to have fled and the day was dreary and overcast.

This morning I paused during the walk between house and car to appreciate a robin calling out his territory hoping for a mate. At lunch today I treated myself to a walk outside in the sunshine, temps in the 30s and heard a bird I could not identify warbling its spring call.

What have you experienced that you can be grateful for? What can you make happen?

Recently a friend asked me how life had changed and what about the divorce I was grateful for. Frankly I was at a loss for words. I hadn’t thought about being grateful I am divorced. I am finding this list a difficult one to populate. At the time I was only able to relate being solely responsible for all decisions.

X and I tried to make any decisions that would affect our life jointly, we ran everything jointly. I was charged with her happiness. The happier she was the happier I was. Co Dependant? You bet!

It did get me to thinking about the last few years and if I could find things to be grateful for that are a result of the divorce. On my list now is “The only person I need to make happy is me”. Others are “I make all buying decisions”, “I decide how to spend my time, my money, my life”. Pretty self centric I know.

I’ll not ask you what my friend asked me. I’ll ask you to look for things that you do to make you happy.

I’ve been using endorphins, GAL activities that make a sweat. I’ve been using adrenalin, GAL and bucket list items that release adrenalin. I’ve been using gratitude like that songbird at lunch and the time spent last weekend.

The commencement bridge is down the trail a bit and you’ll cross it when you get there. I crossed that bridge several years ago. It was a little surreal, it was a little disheartening. It was not the traumatic experience I steeled myself for. Focus more upon the happier broad brush strokes when the minutia of life starts to overwhelm. Your Son loves you and his father.

Lastly if you haven’t already watched “TED talks” find them on the web, U Tube, or Netflix. I find there are gems to be uncovered in most of these. Over in Newcomers I have seen recommendations for the talks from Amy Cuddy and Shawn Achor.