living with WAW who hasn't walked yet (3)

[ye21]

Lets go point by point and for that its important to bring up your issues with this ok?

Anyone have any thoughts on this?

I had told W that I was willing to go to MC only after she was rid of OM and there were just 2 of us in the M.

The help provided to repair situations in my opinion should arrive once we have the problems and if both parts agree to receive help. Whats your fear of her going to MC even if she stills in an affair? You are going to a safe place to talk about the relationship, that for me sounds like the best environment to take care of this issues.

Now she would like to book an MC session. She thinks I won't go because I will never admit to being wrong on anything.

Ok, do we care about what she thinks? Nop , she will expose her thoughs and ideas in therapy and that doesnt mean everything she think its true, validation when she talks doesnt mean you agree with all she says. Also stop mindreading, at this point you have read and work on yourself enough in this forum to know that minreading its leaded by fear.

Then she can say I refused. She wants to go to someone recommended by her therapist. Her therapist has a very lopsided view of me, is pro-D, and has told W to never admit A, since I will hold it over her forever.

You are putting the bandit before the fall, wait and see how it goes, if you dont like the Therapist she chooses you can let her know after the session, you are judging her capacity to choose and also the profesionalism of a T that you havent visited yet, at this point PMA...she is willing to go to MC, thats all should be on your thoughs.

Of course, I would like some say in the selection of MC, someone solution-based, pro-M.
She told you lets go to therapy, your need to control wants to drop this idea already thinking that there is a better way, do you think that behaviour lead her to escape of the M? Always thinking you were right choosing and she was wrong?

Imagine that you go to this MC with PMA, after a few sessions you can see how it goes and say something (if you dont like it ) like this:
I am proud of you choosing this T, how do you feel its working for you? And see what she says.

And it is pointless to go until A is over and W gets through withdrawal period.
Why that conclusion? When you buy a car you think its pointless because its going to break?
You seem to be looking for perfection, trust me I was in the same page and it ended with my W not going to MC at all, just let go and let God, trust that this is happening the way its supposed to and you don't know the future so stop interfering and just go to T with a PMA and thinking that at least W its willing to go, later on you can see if its the appropriate for you or not.

I can simply decline because the ended A condition that I stipulated hasn't been met. She'll lie and just say that I refused going, but all she does is lie anyway, so I guess this is all status quo.

Yes, thats your choice to not go, also its your choice to fill and get D, here when you ask for help we show you other options to choose, whatever you choose at the end its on you, we don't choose for you, but one thing, in this case you are trying to control and you are making that decision based on fear.
Think about it, she wants to D, she is in an affair and the R its death, but stills...she is willing to go to MC, maybe its time for you to give her some credit...who knows, maybe MC helps you to go over the A and helps her to drop the A....