Acceptance...

[Live4myDay]

Ohh the ebb and flow. Feeling really bummed about the situation...he's bringing OW, his 3 sisters and his father to the commencement. S said he's ok with it and that he really likes her... Apparently I am the only one fighting this big machine.

I don't even know why I'm fighting for it anymore. I though it was my family. But it's the dream of my family. Why would God give me marriage and family and then be okay with it like it is now. I get so confused sometimes...like DB do I continue to hope and try or do I just accept what is. He's a WAS not a MLC...it is over...it was over when he shut the door. No he never turned back once.

I read my post from the other day...and I think I must be psychotic...one day so full of myself and the next I'm in tears over something I thought was real.

I'm in this forum "Surviving the Big D"...how do you survive this? I mean I'm through it! 3 years now officially not including the 8 months of separation. I don't want bitterness and anger!! I want indifference...he's the mailman!

I am in such a better place! I have worked too hard to get this far forward to backslide so much. I pray the Lord gives me a sign of the right path I am on. Its just really hard not to focus on X and his wonderful life.

I'm looking forward to the trip home and my son and family...but I dread him and his life! I question why did he have to do this? Why doeasn't it even bother him? How he can see things so differently? Where did he go ...why do I still even love him?