And then this, from NOPkins ... which probably just answered that (above) for me ...
Quote:
There is a time and a place to demand respect from her, but you haven't shown her that you are worth the effort yet.
For a time, at least a short time, you show her what she is potentially giving up (the good Choc), and her intact family.
After that, you confront with the choices. Doing it before you have established that you are the best and the right choice, will almost ensure that she makes the wrong decision.
This ^^^^ is all classic "Plan A/Plan B" stuff by Harley. In DBing it's "shining a light back toward the marriage." You have to work on yourself while drawing your boundaries, and look for ways to demonstrate your positive changes OTHER than pursuing them directly. It's subtle, but there are ways to do it (by your interactions with others, either that your wayward spouse observes or that gets back to them is just one example, but there are others).
