Yes, I'm pushing but without a plan and actionable steps, it won't happen. This is the most important project you will ever manage, make yourself accountable and create a plan. The only difference in this plan is, it's lifecycle is the same as yours.
She has talked about what she has felt during our relationship that drove her away; trapped, disrespected, un-liked, she lost trust in me. We have yet to get far enough in talks for her to tell me what actions of mine caused these issues, I have just been speculating and introspective of myself to which of my actions may have caused this.
Before DBing I pursued and she was adamant about a D so I basically went LRT on her for two months before she opened up and talked a little about her feelings. We still have a lot of R talking to do.
As far as a plan, I have been reading a book about restoring trust that has actionable steps to work through that are supposed to help. I have been holding myself accountable in actions that I do not like. Plans and steps after this have not yet been figured out. If we get to piecing it will probably follow along with the restoring trust book and a pro marriage solution oriented MC if we can find one in our small community.
Originally Posted By: labug
About affairs and why people leave, my H left because he was done, he hung on for as long as he could and finally, as he told me, he wanted a chance to be happy. We hadn't been happy for a long time. There was no other woman, not even the hint of one.
This is almost word for word what I heard from my W. She included that she "broke" also when I walked out all stressed out and crazy to go to work. She said she was crying at the table and didn't want me to leave. I have no recollection of this conversation, which is weird, but I was in a fight or flight state with work for about 6 months.
About the book, the timing does not feel right for me yet. I want to path right now to be smooth and I feel she could see me bringing it up as an attack. There is fear in me about the answer and repercussions of what may be behind the comments in the book. Things as still fragile with us and I feel it may be better to wait until we have talked more openly about us to bring it up. I never thought about the kids needing to feel safe though. They do attend preschool at her work...
We sent text messages back and forth yesterday while she was flying back. Most of them friendly and non business like. Pictures of food and restaurants I would like, etc. I brought up that we could talk Thursday after the kids go to bed, in response to a text message of her's about hoping we could talk when she got back. Her response was "Sure. Actually I was going to ask you to come for dinner and to dye Easter eggs with boys. If you want". So we are set up to talk again on Thursday. If the kids weren't such an easy excuse I wonder how much harder it would be for us to interact.
If the discussions go well and are healthy and about rebuilding trust I may mention the book comments and approach it from the kids needing to be safe angle.
M:34 XW:34 Together: 10y Living: 9y Married: 7y Son:6 Son:4 Separated: 12/28/13 Piecing: 5/2/14 Separated 2nd: 10/16/14 W filed, but pulled it: 11/5/14 papers served: 1/27/15 D final: 3/6/15
