H moving out tomorrow

[TL72*]

Hey T - i'm sorry you're having a hard time, some days are just like that. I find I am down after one of his visits. He was over Sunday and was the most normal i've seen him since January. Then you start thinking, wow maybe he's just a WAS and not an MLC but then I go back and read all the weird things he did or the way he acted and am reminded that he IS a WAS but also in MLC. It [censored] any way you look at it. I got half the papers, he forgot the dissolution agreement so he'll drop that off next time.... figures. after that I'm thinking he'll vanish and I'm not contacting him because I don't need to and it only hurts when I see him and I can't change that. The book does help because it gives you a visual of this wall that we all have to climb, shaped like a pyramid and each block of the pyramid is something to get through - for instance "anger" "grief" "denial" "loneliness" etc. There are 19. Each chapter goes into detail about each block and has questions at the end of each chapter so you can see kind of where you're at on the pyramid. I'm on the 2nd row and there's 5 rows total with "freedom" being the block at the top. They say it takes at least a year but I don't think they are including LBS in there, it doesn't talk about MLC but it is helpful just the same. You can kind of see where you get stuck on certain blocks. I know i'm still on "anger" "grief" (final stages of that) and "letting go" and then I can tell where I will be headed by the next row of blocks. You don't do them in any order, just end up touching on them all I think through the entire healing/rebuilding process. For me it is really helping. I still fall backwards once in awhile but it does seem that recovery is better if I find something to go do. Journaling has been helping me tons. Here and in a book I have, just getting the feelings out helps me sleep at night if it's running through my head like it always does. I just remind myself it's not the end of the world, feels like it once in awhile but have to keep on living. My counselor says that time doesn't heal all wounds, it's what you do with the time that heals it.