Points to ponder...

[wishing, hoping]

So I have gotten the car fixed. For now. My boss's garage managed to repair the car so I can drive it. It's a short term solution, but it's better than buying a new car. I am hoping I can limp around a few months with this. In the meantime I will save up the money for a buffer and pay the minimum amounts on credit cards and other bills. I have started packing lunches for D because she likes to pack her lunch. And I am not buying expensive stuff for her lunches. She likes nutella sandwiches (we always keep that on hand), some red or yellow peppers, an apple, some veggie sticks, string cheese and a homemade cookie. I am taking the stand that every little bit helps and trying to keep a PMA about things.

H sent me a receipt demanded I reimburse him for soccer shoes he bought for D. I told him he never told me he bought her soccer shoes and so I bought her some as well. He was angry of course, and said I was playing games. He signed his email to me as "extremely disappointed". I didn't get defensive and I didn't get angry. In fact I LOL'd when I read it (he is so dramatic). I simply stated I was sorry if he felt I was playing games and that wasn't my intent. I just was not aware that he had purchased shoes already and I wish he had talked to me about his intentions before he made the purchase. I also stated that I was sorry he was so disappointed.

He doesn't seem to realize that his lack of communication is just as much a part of the problem as my "playing games". Of course I am starting to realize he just doesn't have the tools to recognize this. He can't see his role in any of this. His blinders are on and he is just in victim mode. So much that he thinks the ones who truly care the most about him are the ones most intent on harming him. Isn't that called paranoia? It is truly sad. Pathetic really.

I am dreading this contempt hearing. I am just tired of the fight. It just seems like a way to keep hanging onto something that I don't want to hang onto any longer. It is making me weary. This hearing seems like it will just perpetuate the fight and make things uglier and nastier. I believe it will make H stronger in his resolve, not weaken it. H thrives on drama and tension. He seeks it out and feeds off it. I can't do that any longer.

WH