Barrybran

[Barrybran]

My old thread is here:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2440951&page=1

The guys are giving it to you....and hopefully you are listening.

I'm going to be honest; I'm trying and clearly I don't know how. Short of just not saying anything and taking everything in I just don't know how at this point. I have three kids who are constantly needy or getting into mischief so not talking is not an option. I'm at a loss about what to do about this, really.

As for the last few notes from your wife....Haven't you been being told the exact same stuff by us for the last three months?

It's exactly what you guys have been saying. It's like you guys and my wife have been sitting around a poker table discussing me. I reread my entire last thread and I don't understand why I'm not getting it. I think I get it, an entire thread passes, someone directs me to reread my thread and I find I'm not getting it.

If you take the time to read back through this thread...

You will SEE the unanswered questions that YOU have been asked, to give YOU that same kind of road map....

I went back and reread it. I don't understand how I miss so much. There are a lot of unanswered questions. At this point I'm not sure if I'm supposed to go back and answer them or not but I do see a theme and it's about changes in myself. Two questions did stick out though:

yes, I'm up for an experiment but I honestly don't feel as though I'm ready in terms of personal growth.

What exactly is personal growth for YOU BarryBran?

Honeslty, I don't know who I want to be or where my focus should lie so I've focused on the things my wife has told me she doesn't like.

Stop for a sec and ask yourself this question……..

Would you want to be with someone who does not know who they want to be?

I don't know what personal growth is to me. When I first learned about goal setting I learned that goals should be measurable. I don't know how to measure my growth. This is what lead me to ask my wife if she felt listened to this morning. It wasn't about her, it was about me. I don't feel that I am able to judge my own performance effectively and I don't know how I am going to be able to determine my own growth or lack thereof.

The second part, I don't honestly know the answer to that question. The closest I've come to an answer would be from a situation while my wife and I weren't together in 2011. We had broken up, I'd moved on and I started seeing a girl who was much younger than I was. She was a lot of fun to be around but something wasn't quite right. She was needy, she could barely hold a job, she lived with her parents and I felt that she was too submissive. Typing this, I'm seeing I am the same person to my wife.

The truth is I've never known who I wanted to be. I've never had a desired career in mind. I've never had a desired location in mind. The only things I wanted for sure were a family of my own and to be financially free. I've stuffed up the first and I live week-to-week.