Struggling today. Did well yesterday not texting or calling H, kept busy with a few errands and had my parents and siblings over at night for dinner. This morning it was beautiful out, went for a 4 mile run outside and felt fantastic. Took my dog for a walk on the beach in the afternoon. Didn't do the best job keeping busy in the afternoon, drove myself crazy over the fact that H hasn't called/texted much since the morning I got back from my trip to see him (only been a day and a half, I know, but we text pretty regularly and he was initiating most of the contact, usually every day, before I went to see him).
Not breaking down and initiating that contact is one of the hardest aspects of this process, I think. I know that he needs space right now and a chance to miss me, but I really crave that reassurance that I feel when I have contact with him. For a minute anyway, then I feel regret for reaching out--I know that, even though we have been getting along really well, it is still pursuing behavior. I need to remind myself that the instant gratification I feel of texting or chatting with him a bit on the phone is not as important as reaching my goals with the marriage in the long run.
