Acceptance...

[Live4myDay]

Thanks for checking in on me. I have to say that while I was in the throughs of the actual divorce court I would psych my self up by pretending I was an actress in a movie. I know sounds kinda crazy, but I was in no mental state to be myself.

I can remember sitting across the table in the courtroom trying to be all cool calm collected like Ingrid Bergman or Scarlett O'Hara! My sister who came with me for support said I should have won an Oscar for my performance. When it was over I broke down in the hallway and sobbed. I was so mad at myself for that.

He was as cool and confidant as a could be! So smug and sure of himself. So selfish! The judge saw right through him. I don't think he's ever been able to look me in the eye since.

I suppose I need to study for my next role! hahaha Just being myself and true to me is really all I need. That will kill him inside for sure.

These next few weeks I'm training hard physically and staying on diet program. I'm challenged now and my D is coaching me!! Love that!

I am spinning the wheels and looking at the graduation as a great event for my S!! Perspective, right? I want to go in there with my head held high and looking like "who's that woman?!!" I refuse to let this be about X, OW, or myself. My son is very excited and I want to relish in that!

I don't want any part of the X life, nor do I want to know. I think I'm getting this now. Just need to keep my perspective.