Yikes! I certainly didn't mean for my comments to have you contemplating martyrdom - anything but! I don't see you as one, so please know that.
The only thing I could see - mostly from experience - is that we (and I do mean we as a collective unit here) tend to go into thought patterns that convince us that dysfunction was limited to one instance or a shorter period of time and not an ongoing thing. Hell, my family would certainly be living in a glass house if this were the case, and I would definitely NOT be throwing rocks at yours.
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I did speak up to our little group about my opinion of the unsportsmanlike boooing and jeering done by the Pittsburgh fans. I liked their enthusiasm when the Penns scored, but I was not a fan of the booing and the "Flyers suck" chanting.
Sigh. Was this your first sporting event with a PA pro team? (Or has it been a long time?) Even my college roomie, whose name is the same is mine and who hails from Philly, would weigh in here. Every time a Philly fan makes the news, she apologizes on behalf of the good people. I think that Pittsburgh learned the best way to combat them is to fight fire with fire. The Phillies fans are notorious for throwing objects and spitting at the opposing pitching team in the bullpen - which is located in the heart of the fans. And just in case you haven't been to a Phillies-Nats game in DC, I'll tell you ahead of time to avoid it. Their fans are just plain mean. I say this having entered plenty of competitive arenas for a variety of sports, and have never found more mean-spirited fans. So I agree with your disgust at negative cheers - we're there to support our teams, not put someone else down.
Sadly, I used to see this at D20's volleyball tournaments. I remember one vividly - she was on a 13s team, and one heckling parent from a competitor team started shouting some rude, hideous comments to a 13 year old girl on my D20's team. A parent from another team turned around and said to the heckler, "It's a sad day, indeed, when you have to bash a little girl. She's someone's daughter, sibling, teammate and friend, and she didn't come here to play to hear your crap, so why don't YOU leave." I remember a slew of parents applauding him (including me - we're still friends to this day). I hate that sports sometimes brings out the worst in people. I think you'd see that they are generally not happy people and don't have healthy mechanisms to cope with losing. I love sports, and I love my sports teams. But in the end, losing is something they have to deal with. I have enough going on in my own life that I don't need to make others miserable around me.
For the record, sometimes you just find yourself in situations that require compromise and weeding out the important from the insane. As I said before, you went into it with the right intentions and for altruistic purposes. It's a shame that those people created unnecessary drama? And sometimes caving is a lot easier to navigate than maintaining boundaries. But in the end, I think it feels better just to say to myself, "Giving in was your choice, Betsey, so move on." Trust me - I have to do this when I come home to VA with my own nuclear family. My sister, D20 and I were miserable enough this past Thanksgiving that I'm throwing out an invite to do Thanksgiving at my house this year. If they don't accept, then they'll all have fun without me and D20 this year...
I get it. I really do. I'm also not saying you should approach all the events with a "it's never going to work" mentality. Just a dose of realistic expectations will cure that ill, AD. Nothing more, and nothing less.
I still say you're a good egg--
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
