I'm back for a while

[ClingingToHope]

Journaling:

So it's youth baseball umpiring season on my revolving carousel of part-time jobs. I worked a tournament last weekend and made $280. League play was to begin tonight -- but it's snowing so no game.

Instead, I'll head to the professor's house for dinner then work on writing projects at home. If it's not one job it's another.

Professor and I have been going out now for 17 months. We had a talk a couple of weeks ago that was interesting. Ever since XW and I split I've been looking for the next person to do the "spend rest of my life" with thing. That's the goal, right?

I quickly got out of two other relationships because I couldn't see a long-term future.

I've gone back and forth on this relationship because I just don't see this being the one forever and ever. So I feel guilty, like I'm wasting her time.

She said she's not looking for happily ever after. She just wants someone for now.

Her daughter is 12. My youngest is 11. Her daughter has her sites set on Harvard and the professor plans to move to be close to her daughter when she goes off to college.

I'm not sure where D11 will end up for college, but I know I'm not going to move to be closer to someone else's daughter and away from mine.

So really there's an expiration date on this whole thing and she's fine with that. So that lessened some of my guilt.

Now that umpiring has started my money stress has lessened until August. I've booked the summer trips. Things are going well. This past weekend was an A- with the girls. D11 had a friend over who I think likes D11, but they don't have a lot in common. So after a while she gets bored with D11. She tries to stay though because she doesn't like her home and she wants me to buy her stuff. This weekend was a stay at home and veg weekend and she was upset about it. I was a little short with her.

Plus, the girl comes from a very messed up home and tells me all the things her mother, grandmother and aunt say -- and it's just not an intelligent group. I look at her and think "this kid has no chance."

After that girl left on Saturday D15 had a friend over and that went really well. D15 has hit a lull. She went to a friend's house two weeks for a sleepover. It didn't go well. A guy D15 likes ignored her and it got into her head and got into with her friend, who the guy does like. And she has a temper and with twitter things get blown up so now they are not friends.

In the long run it's probably a good thing. Her friend was a lot faster track with guys. Ah, the drama of teenage girls.