Actually I see where you are coming from Eric. The one thing I will say is I didn't ask if she wanted me to find someone else to manipulate but to see where her head was at. Believe me if I planned to do that I wouldn't have asked. I do see how asking this can be a powerful form of manipulation like saying "If you don't watch out, I'll do this!" But honestly that wasn't my intention. If she had said yes that would have told me much about how far she has pulled out of our marriage. Until now she has said that she wants to go not because I'm the devil that is stopping her from being happy at least not totally. Her biggest reason has been because she is in pain and she doesn't know how to make it stop and being on her own, totally in control of her entire life like before she was married may be the answer. She said she was never depressed back then so if she got depressed after she got married than the answer is to do what she did back then. The question was more to see if she had totally checked out emotionally.
Believe me when I tell you I know how to manipulate if needed. I did it enough when all this started. Also, this telling me what she plans on doing.... This is not the first time she has talked about actually leaving. The doing what she needs to do to make it happen is the part that slows things down. This time may be different but this is a cycle with her. What she plans one day usually lasts until she "feels" some new way.
Oh, and about STFU...... I haven't said one word to her concerning her plans or our R since Dec. this talk was her idea, not mine. If it had been up to me, I wouldn't have said a single word. Since our last talk she has gotten wasted and spent the night somewhere with people I don't know, opened a secret bank account with joint funds, gone away for weeks at a time several times leaving me stuck with having to find a way to take care of the kids, the house, the animals, the bills, EVERYTHING when I also need to try and make a living, taken her wedding ring off. Left the bedroom, well you get the idea and I didn't once "talk" to her about except to say "OK, it's your life". Being quiet with her really hasn't been a problem.
Not saying I didn't say too much or the wrong things this time and I appreciate you pointing that out. But I've held my tongue through some stormy times and really don't plan on using it often.
