Ok, so I'm trying my hardest to DB-- detach, be strong, etc. etc. And yet I keep running into situations where I'm totally not sure of how to respond. A running thread in our marriage was my feeling like there was some double standard-- he held me to expectations to which he did not hold himself, but always somehow rationalized that the situations were totally different.
So, tonight, here is the example: He is taking D to see his family for a holiday this evening. On the way out, he asks, "If she is asleep in car when we get back, should i just call you to come out and get her?" (Context: We live in a city, so we have to find parking on the street which can be tricky sometimes.)
Tomorrow, I will be in the same situation (driving D back home by myself at night; she may be asleep in car.) However, I'll have to find parking on my own, and get us and our stuff back into the apartment alone. He doesn't live here. Why is it ok for him to expect me to help him?!?! I won't have that luxury.
So, what do I do? Do I give him a reality check by saying, "Tomorrow I won't have any help when I get home, so you should figure it out by yourself tonight."? (He won't care. It won't make me seem attractive). Do I just smile and say, "Of course I'll help you. No problem." and quietly think under my breath that I am strong and he is weak, instead of resenting him for not having to deal with the same reality of the situation as me? Be the person only a fool would leave, and think "Good riddance" if he turns out to be a fool?
I think I know the answer to this one, but I hate hate hate that he doesn't seem to feel all the consequences of his decision to leave the M. So in his mind, D seems pretty good and co-parenting seems pretty easy. If I do refuse to help him, how do I say so in a DBing way without sounding like a petty B*%#h?
