Hi. I'm new to this board, so I wasn't sure where to post this.
Here is my situation. I have dated the same girl for about 4 years. We are both in our early 30's. For the past year and a half we have been talking about marriage - she's ready, I'm not sure. In most issues of compatability, she and I are very similar. I think I love her, I'm just not sure. One of the problems I have is that I am not very attracted to her sexually. It's not that I don't want to have sex, I do, it's just that I usually think about having sex with other women. I'm constantly wondering if "the grass is greener on the other side." However, I would NEVER cheat on my girlfriend or wife. It's just that I don't really desire having sex with her. Which is unfair to her that I am not dedicated to her and our relationship in that respect. Plus, I feel like I am being a jackass and wasting her time.
I want to change my attitude towards her and our sex life. She is great in all other respects, and I think I want to marry her and have kids. But I'm scared about my feelings towards her. I think I love her, but I'm not sure. I've read some other posts about love on this board, and I guess the author may be right. Basically her point was that love is a decision that you make and dedicate yourself to. Maybe it is, but isn't there also some feeling behind everything?
Anyway, I am looking for advice about what to do. I purchased "The Sex-Starved Marriage", but it seems that my particular issue - still very much desiring sex, but not desiring my partner - is not really covered in the book. Maybe I should re-read it. Does anyone have any advice about how I can re-kindle my desire for my girlfriend? Or, do you think that my not wanting to have sex with her is a powerful signal that we are not meant to be together? Any advice would be appreciated. I just want to do the right thing for the both of us. Thank you.
