Wife in MLC and getting ready to go!

[ericmsant2]

Matt

I’m not sure if anyone has ever said this to you Matt…I think that right now you need to practice STFU (shut the f*ck up). Your words are doing more damage than you think. You are not helping yourself with….

When I asked if she wants me to find someone else, she got quiet,

IMO, at the root of this statement is manipulation. You wanted to her to “see it”…”get it”…know that you are “serious” and that this is really starting to bother you. You wanted YOUR words to have an effect on HER ACTIONS. Look buddy, if you want to see someone else you do not need to ask her (or me or anyone else for that matter). Stop talking. Stop trying to convince her. Stop trying to manipulate her.

Decide for YOU want you want to do. Do you really want to stand for this M? If so, then STFU. If not, then fine.

She started it by saying how we need to figure out what we are going to do about our daughters school next year as she has decided that she is going to leave as soon as they are out of school for the summer.

You see this as her disrupting YOUR plan or YOUR daughters plans. She is not (at least probably not what/how she thinks of it). MLCers are totally selfish creatures. She is not DOING THIS TO YOU…she is doing this FOR HERSELF.

That said, she is sharing with your (at least on some level) her plans. Now you know she plans to leave, now you know she does not plan to pay for your daughters private school. Instead of LOOKING AT HER…you might want to consider taking the information that she has shared and figure out a PLAN FOR YOU.

When I told her I was able to keep both of the girls in private school for years when she wasn't working and I'll be damned if I let this decision on her part stop me from doing all I can to keep her in!

That’s fine that you “told her”. Do you really think that YOU “telling her” is going to stop her or change her behavior? IMO, it is not. So you can b*tch all you want, that is NOT going to help. What will help is YOU figuring out YOUR plan.

Back then she was saying that our daughter would be "better off" in public school but as time went on, that stopped and she agreed that she is better off at the private school. Now, she is back to the same stuff she was saying back then.

I see you are still trying to assign rational to her reasoning. She will vacillate, she will waver, she will do all sorts of chit cause she – NOT YOU – are in a crisis. Now the fact that she has lost her chit is NOT YOUR PROBLEM or YOUR FAULT.

ACCEPT…that she has been beamed up to lala land and start building YOUR PLANS.

She stated that she see's me GAL'ing and that she feels I will be fine without her.

You GAL for you. She is going to read into anything you say or do – hence, you should be DOING more and speaking less. That is not to say, that if she insults you that you need to sit quietly and tolerate it. No. You just do not need to have conversation with her.

This is when she said "Maybe once I go you'll find out you are better off and happier without me." At least she see's that she may be part of the problem with our marriage.

You see it as her “seeing” she is part of the problem – I see it a totally different way. I see it, as her feeling less guilty about her actions.

I'm really trying to work out just what was said and if not why, what it can tell me about what's coming!

As I mentioned above, IMO, she is telling you what is coming. Now you need to figure out what YOU are going to do.

I guess the hard part is that I know she is in pain and I WANT to help her.

I think you have two options to help her…

Option 1 – hand over all income, assets and assume all liabilities. Move out, continue to pay the mortgage, live in a box on the street, agree with everything she says and does.

Or

Option 2 – Accept that nothing you do will fix her, hand her over to God, pray from strength and forgiven and the ability to forgive, keep focused on you and the kids, and focus on being happy every day.