How do you do THIS part...

[ericmsant2]

SP

However, it has opened my to the fact that I really don't want her to be named primary household.

If that is what is best for the kids, then go for it. If you are doing so that you do not have to spend more on support – then I believe that is the wrong reason to secure primary residence.

I hope to find a solution that will "motivate" her to support herself (which she had done throughout our relationship, up until days before BD), and at the same time protect myself from any possible problems.

Not sure what you can do to “motivate” her. If she chooses not to work, then I suspect your attny will argue this in court.

I absolutely HATE that she occupies space in my thoughts throughout the day!

Then keep your thoughts on something else. Hobby, working out, anything but her.

I wish that I could say that I don't still harbor anger. yesterday, during our exchange with daughter, it was all I could do to keep the thoughts of smashing OM in the face and telling STBXW what I really feel about what she is doing to me. Not good :-/

IMO, you are going to be angry for a while. What you do with the anger is the important piece. You could sit around and think about punching people in the face OR you can use the anger to keep you razor focused on what you need to do for YOU.