With All My Hopes and Dreams

[soldier]

So yesterday I received a call from my daughter for a quick goodnight and after we had said goodnight she gave my wife the phone and it was the first time we had spoken in a few days. I lightly attempted to make small talk asking how her week had ended and how the weekend had gone. I asked about how the Easter family function went but the whole time she was cold and distant. She just seemed to be very impatient and wanting to get off the phone. As a result we only had about a 5 minute conversation and I told her I would not keep her and longer and excused myself.

I had been busy reading on my books and unfortunately other than the DR book most of them are geared towards marriages in trouble but still of a working nature. My situation, the same as many on these forums, is that my wife seemingly cannot stand me at all now. After reading on these other books (ones that are not DR) it got me feeling good about my changes and made me very positive. The problem is it also pushed expectation into my mind. I need to keep this in better check.

It hurts me deeply to see her make this look so easy for her when in truth it is a constant sting to me as I can’t get all of the good memories of our 11 years together out of mind. Was I really such a monster that she now has no emotions what so ever for me? When my D5 was born my wife had some heart complications and as a result had to remain in the hospital for 7 days. I never left her room and I was more afraid than ever in my life to include my military time and being aggressed by enemy forces. I couldn't lose her and I had to be by her. Now she doesn't even want to see my face and I just don’t understand why she is behaving as if all that time and all those events mean nothing to her and never did. I know it isn't my place to understand so I am working hard to force these thought from my mind and stick with what I can control but the pain is still there.

I guess I will just keep reading and learning and hoping. On a brighter note, I will have my D5 for this next weekend so I am very excited about that.