Acceptance...

[Live4myDay]

Thanks for the replies. I never looked at my prayers as a way of telling him he is wrong. And you're right...he doesn't care. He has justified his life and his decision.

Gabby, Everything you went through and said was pretty spot on for me. I've read your posts and follow a lot of your advice to others. What is wrong with me? It's like I'd rather get a slap in the face than nothing at all.

I was torn and even called the coaches here on circumstances. I have no hope at all...and I still can't drop the rope. Can't imagine him ever coming back into my life at this point. BUT, I have done the GAL, PMA, and worked on ME! He has no clue of any of it... not that I did it for him. I am in a much better place.

I'm going full strong on this weight loss and physical fitness thing until I have to go back home for S graduation. I know if I am in a better place with myself in that regard I will be much more confident. OW lives a much healthier lifestyle (no kids/great job$$). Again, it doesn't matter but I will be a little more secure in my own skin.

I keep thinking about X as the postman! Hahaha I have also done some hypnosis and one of the things is making their faces out to be comical...I imagine the cocky rooster from the old cartoons! Eww but it works for me. Now I just have to get the OW off the pedastool that I put her on like a trophy he put on the mantle. She is NOT me...I have always pride myself on my humbleness and have been blessed with my looks (not bragging). X told me I used my looks to get my way...seriously at the end he threw so much crap at me. But the OW isn't much maybe a couple size smaller than me but hey I had 2 amazing children and raised them. Proud of that! She can brag about her pilates and tofu guru exercises and all her travels all over the world. Ping a little bit of jealousy there I guess. BUT she doesn't have he amazing children my X and I have. And I enjoy my D everyday.

Ok enough about that! Any other advice about the graduation...sitting at the ceremony and such. Do I just be yes /no and ignore otherwise... or do I act like nothings changed that look what a wonderful family we have...I have a very hard time not being sarcastic (my version of letting my anger out)

This is what gives me anxiety. This new dynamic with him. My heart and brain are on two different wavelengths.