Barrybran - Yet Another Thread

[Barrybran]

Question:

My wife has pointed out that I'm not as good a listener as I thought I was and I've been working on improving. I've always felt that her communication is poor as well. In my mind, she brings something up, it's half-discussed and it doesn't come up again until there is a problem. The problem revolves around her thinking an issue has been sorted and me thinking it has not.

Two instances occurred over the weekend that I would like some advice about:

1) My wife and I planned to have our kids stay at home this weekend. My boss asked me to take her shifts so I discussed it with my wife, we agreed that the kids would stay with family friends for the weekend and I asked the lady if she would like to have them. The family friends are like grandparents to our children, our children stay with them nearly every weekend and the response I got was that they didn't know the kids weren't staying with them. I relayed this information to my wife and I heard nothing in return from either the family friend or my wife and I let the issue be. As darkness came, my kids hadn't been returned home and my wife said "I thought you discussed this with [the family friend]" and I told her that I thought my wife had sorted it out. I didn't tell her that I thought my wife had sorted it because my wife hadn't responded to my message last week; I left it; and

2) Last week my wife needed to book her car in for a service. I arranged the service and told her the date. She was worried about money and I told her not to worry, that I had enough funds to cover the service if she couldn't afford it. Time came and went and she never mentioned using my money and I bought a home gym in the meantime and now don't have enough money to cover the service on her car. I told her this morning that I had dropped the car off and that I would be in later today to collect her bank card to pay for the service. She said she thought I was paying for it and I told her that it was discussed but never decided upon.

I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY want to improve the communication with my wife. Forget marriage, relationship, etc right now. At the very least we are living in the same house and parents to the same kids. We are on vastly different pages though, I am working my arse off to be a better listener and person and I am becoming increasingly frustrated that it's all on me to improve two-way communication. I don't expect her to change but I feel I need to express my frustration to her so she knows where I stand and can make her own decision whether to take my feelings on board or disregard them. I can see how the car situation was misunderstood on both sides but the kids/work thing was clear as day and both instances have arisen because I've placed the ball in her court and she's not done anything with it but thought she has.

Any advice on how I approach this?